- Geraldine is my name. Pink is my colour and white comes along. I love cupcakes. I might be childish in actions but I think like an adult when there's a need to, I can be very ridiculous, stubborn and unreasonable at times. I tend to get impatient then I try to explain things. I love Lil wayne and Jay-Z but Weezy more. I am not weak but I cry, very easily. It's stupid to hate someone pretty. Chances to me are unlimited on the one who deserves it. I can't express myself well verbally, and I can express myself better through words. You don't have to understand anything here because it's my thoughts and feelings. But welcome, if we're on the same boat :)
Jul 2, 2011,1:04 AM
|| Lost-
Our baby.
One of my favourite picture.
He doesn't deserve all these from me at all. I have never been so nasty to a guy/man before.
I'm lost. Im really lost. I'm trying to hard to act like everything is alright.
Why is it so painful? Why am I even crying now? I chose it this way.
It's for him. His wife, his children. I shouldn't be so selfish anymore.
I will go through all this pain alone.
No matter how painful it is, for his sake.
It's barely half a year being with him.
So how much do I love him? I don't know how much do I love him.
But it's definitely more than my life. I love him more than my own life.
I don't know how many days am I gonna cry. I just love him so much I dont know why.
I'm feeling so hurt and lost now. Please take away the pain.
Why am I even doing this for the benefit of his wife?
I gain nothing, instead, I lost a man I love the most.
But I know, I am just another burden to him. I am no one at all.
All he cares about is his family, not me. So why am I clinging on him?
I should not be doing that even though I love him.
He have been different for the past few days. I know the reason..
So I should not make him so stress and give him more problems anymore.
I'm so hurt right now. He doesn't know that everything I do, is for him.
But everything he does, is for another person. He doesn't know how unhappy I am.
Even though I totally understand the situation. But I am human, a girl, a 16yr old little girl.
How am I able to take all this pain all by myself?
If only he knows how much I love him. I'm about to lose my mind. I am so unhapp,y I am so upset. Does he knows? I'm in so much pain everyday, does he know? No one knows. Including him, because all he cares about is HER. It was never me. I have to accept it.
- Since I can't make him happy, I shouldn't make him sad.
I don't wanna quarrel with him anymore. I dont wanna quarrel with him about the same issue every single day. I wanna appreciate every single day with him. Appreciate the time he make for me. Appreciate him being beside me, be happy when he is with me. But instead, I add up to his burden and unhappiness daily. I don't want this to happen. I wanna be happy with him. I always wanna do that, but I am not capable of doing that. And the reason is because I care too much, I love too much. I don't wanna add on to his burden anymore, therefore I shall leave. Once I'm gone from his life, he will have lesser problems/stress. I hate to see him cry, I don't want to see him cry for me as I am not worth his tears at all. I am just a little girl giving problems. A little girl who cant do much.
Guess there are many things that we are not able to do now.
- convert.
- find a muslim name for me.
- celebrate your birthday with you and your mother.
- bring bubbles to the beach.
- do prayers with you.
- get married.
- have kids.
- find muslim names for our child.
- stay together.
- have 2 rabbits as pets.
- watch you slaughter a goat.
- go for the 'Hajj' thing.
I'm not lying or joking. I really wanna complete all this with you. Only you.
I will keep all the memories he left with me.
I hope he will be happy and at least remember me as a 16yr old girl who loves him deeply.
God bless him and his family.
I got to be strong now. Wipe away all these tears now.
He is not here anymore.